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Coming Undone

coming undonecoming  undone

to the point where every solid feeling you’ve ever felt resurfaces,
like a blanket either exposing you
fully, raw, vulnerably
or cloaks you, wraps you up with pure joy, contentment, and love

to feel – to really feel with every breath in you,
every beat of your heart
and every cell in your being

to feel means to feel it all
to feel everything
surrendering to feelings you don’t want
not knowing which feeling will come next
to feel fully, completely, down to a conscious cellular level means
feeling EVERYTHING
you don’t get to choose
you don’t get to feel fully happy
without ever feeling fully sad
opening yourself up to feeling means feeling EVERYTHING
all of it
or none of it
to love fully means opening yourself up to feeling the pain when that physical love deteriorates –
whether it be by death or simply walking out the door and never looking back
we don’t get to choose our feelings
but we do get to choose how long to lose ourselves in them
allowing yourself to come undone
to fall apart
or in other words – open up
it’s okay to feel hurt, sad, angry, depressed, lost, confused, frightened
it’s okay.
to be a happy person
one must experience the complete opposite to know what happiness really is
it’s not a word or a place – it’s a feeling that has the ability to take you somewhere amazing,
not the other way around.
don’t feel ashamed or embarrassed if life takes a quick, sudden, unexpected turn
and leaves you with tears flooding out your eyes and a great ache in your heart
embrace it
don’t fake it
don’t cater your feelings to those around you
feel what you need to
feel what’s real
feel it fully without escape
and then let it go
because it needs to go
one can’t stay in misery forever
just as much as one cannot stay in complete bliss until the end of time
it’s all a journey
our feelings
our emotions
they take us places
it’s no different
embrace them
don’t hide away from them
feel sad
but don’t become it
feel hurt
but don’t practice it
feel blue
but don’t hold your breath until you are

i recently felt every feeling i’ve managed to not feel in years
a deep heartbreak
a deep sadness
a mourning
a loss
like a sudden death
nowhere to run
nowhere to hide from my feelings
that were taking the breath away from me – sometimes literally
i let myself feel every bit of ache that came up
unapologetically of course
rather than excusing my uncomfortable feelings
to avoid having others feel uncomfortable by mine
i embraced them fully
let myself feel each one like a scary ride
anywhere
anytime
any place
just as if i was having the best friggin day with a cherry on top
why should we hide our heavier emotions
why should we be ashamed of them
they’re ours
they’re real
and shouldn’t be denied
love up each feeling
because it’s real
its what you’re feeling
it cannot be denied
so don’t.
allow yourself to come undone
it’s okay
don’t judge
don’t label
don’t blame
just come undone
its part of our metamorphosis
you’ll transform
reshape
and grow into a new version of you
a wiser one
more complex
with intricate beauty
but you must allow yourself to come undone
you are not perfect
neither am i
but within all this imperfection
i see my definition of perfection
allow yourself to see yours
to feel yours
the next time you come undone
you will
i did


2 comments on “Coming Undone

  1. Is a month too long for feeling sad about your former boyfriend having a new girlfriend? I am mourning I think. I know it’s kind of trivial. So common. But it felt so destroying when I found out. Like my DNA changed, everything… And I continue to have that feeling of nearly fainting and I feel like my heart beats slower… And this symptoms come and go for a month now. As I found out the other minute and am a little shocked… dammit… I ain’t supposed to feel that way, am I? I should be over it already, right? It felt like the last itty bitty light part of me left and now it’s only me and the feelings of sadness, regret and like I feel the whole world and a feeling that reminds me of the desert… Dry, hard, rough. That’s what I feel I am at the moment. I don’t smile much. There is not much comfort left in my days. pfuuuuuh, this sounds dark. it ain’t that bad. I laugh sometimes and feel warmth eventually. But something has to happen to make me feel that. My normal state of feeling is: desert. Hm… :/

    • Hi Gabi –
      There truly are no rules or guidelines for how long one ought to remain in mourning over the ending of a relationship.
      It’s different for everyone. We all invest our emotions, our time, our energy, and certainly our love to different degrees and lengths of time. Learning a former love is now being entertained by another is painful mostly because we go straight in our head; start comparing and creating a story of what their time together must be like, and on top of that, we start reliving the greater past over and over and over again really triggering that heartache and longing for their time, attention, and touch once again. It’s important to not get lost in thoughts that are completely fabricated based on your past experiences with your ex and of course your imagination – this can really trip you up! Life gets easier as the days go by. I mean, look at how you felt soon after the break up compared to your feelings today. Your feelings aren’t as intense, are they? Lastly, feeling something like a desert describes perfectly to me how you must be feeling now knowing he has moved on to someone new – deserted… Like I always say, allow yourself to feel whatever it is your feeling, let the emotions come up, and let them go – feel what you need to feel but don’t become the feelings. So for you I say, don’t desert your own self in the process of moving through an emotional breakup. Feel free to email me privately if you’d like to talk more. Sending lots of love your way sister! Stay up!! XO

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