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From My Journal – Starting Over. Again.

Moving - going through the motions and emotions of a breakup. 
Feeling grounded most days and other days feeling like I'm just
fluttering around trying to catch myself or find a place to just
'be' in order to catch up with the days of my life... Today is 
one of those days where I do feel most grounded. I feel creative,
stimulated, confident, trusting, and really want to nurture my
entire self. I've been allowing myself to 'be' and feel however
I want the last few days, which can range from being or feeling
productive, positive, self-supportive to mentally & emotionally
drained and not wanting to think, do, speak, or even move my
body. I am so happy to be or have been in a place for so long
that is opposite of the latter to help me move past or through
these emotional slumps that everyone goes through - especially
when experiencing any kind of loss. (Yes. Relationships ending count)

Drugs, Alcohol, Partying (hard) used to be my way of coping with
anything. But since my life has ventured off in another direction - 
meditation, tea, playing in nature, or moving my body however
feels right at the moment have been my way of 'dealing' with
life's ups and downs. 
Except this time - going through a breakup that I want, and one
we both know we need right now has left me in a constant 
coin toss - emotionally speaking. Every moment not knowing
if I'm going to reach for a warm cup of tea - soothing. Or
another cookie with a glass of red wine inestead - comforting...
And truth be told, one cookie has quite easily turned into
six! This slightly amuses me because I've lived pretty darn
clean and healthy for the last almost 4 years and to find 
myself (unhealthfully) coping at times rather than moving
through my feelings is a nice reminder of how many others
deal with their emotional landslides. I'm finally coming
back to the full realization that 'Hey! I love Myself' and
although having a vegan, gluten free cookie with a glass
of wine isn't life threatening or earth shattering, 
having nearly a dozen (in one sitting) and two glasses of
wine like every other day, is.
I'm aware enough to know that if I continue this way, I'll be
creating a new habit that doesn't serve or support me in my
highest good. It's gotta stop now. Like, today!

I have to push through any cravings and stumps that come
up. I must. I love myself and have done too much self
healing to start sliding back now. 

TODAY, I start over. I am so excited to do so!!!
No more drinking to cope. No more junkfood to cope. And time
to lay off the gluten - my gut, skin, and mind aren't 
a fan. I'm not striving for perfection or meeting this with
a bully mindset. I meet this new chapter with love. 
It's why I'm here anyway - L O V E !
I sit here on my meditation pillow, writing, heartwarmingly
smiling, with a cup of tea, listening to a 'Devi Prayer',
feeling guided, protected, hopeful, and loved. 

I embrace my stumbling around while trying to fully move
through the emotional aspects of a breakup, and now
set it free...

I lerned from these last few weeks greatly, just as much
as I learned from the 3 year relationship that has come
to a close. Time to put what I've learned to use. 
Here's to starting over - Again <3

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