There was a time in my life where I truly believed,
“I can’t do this anymore. I don’t want to do this anymore. Maybe today I’ll call it quits…”
Sounds dramatic, silly, and maybe even needy, but this was my reality. Plagued with thoughts of suicide by overdose was constant. One I was too afraid to fulfill, obviously, this isn’t the ghost version of me.
No one ever knew what I was truly feeling and thinking, because I became so fucking great at showing up as the life of the party. Like a clown without the shitty makeup… Okay maybe there was some shitty makeup.
Booze and Drugs can take you far down that road of bullshit and lies, but even that road meets a dead end. And I eventually met mine…
TODAY MARKS 5 YEARS SINCE I OVERDOSED, WHICH WAS NO ACCIDENT.
I temporarily left this plane of existence and came back into this life like the fucking miracle we all are.
This time tho, I came through a lot stronger, a lot wiser, with an infinite level of love to give not only myself, but everyone I cross paths with.
Today is my 5 Year Lifeaversary!
The day I quit all things that made me feel temporarily great in my life, but truly only made me more dead inside.
Everyday I choose to open my eyes, wake up in every way, shape, and form one can possibly WAKE UP, and get myself out of bed, into all the unpredictabilities of life, is another commitment to self, to life, and choice that so long as I have air in my lungs, beats in my heart, laughs vibrating within and out, and love to feeeeeeeeeel – is an accomplishment within itself.
I am grateful for my life.
For the lessons learned.
For the love.
And I am grateful to feel my body grow stronger and healthier as I grow older in age… Embracing that firme age of 33 in a couple weeks; I’ve honestly never felt more beautiful, confident, and strong as fuck inside and out in my entire life.
At the end of the day, there are only two things in life we are truly responsible for and that is how we show up and how we respond to life…
Make today count. Make today the best it ever could be. And if you can’t do it for yourself, then make it good for someone else.
Thank You to my ‘ride or die’ familia who knew when to give me space when I needed it without taking my shit personally. For embracing me to the fullest when I couldn’t embrace myself.
You know who you are.
Everyday is my birthday!
It’s yours too!!
Sending blissed out hugs and coconut sugar kisses to you, You, and YOU!